I wrote this about a month after I first arrived in Cape Town, South Africa – thought I should re-post.
March 2, 2010
Living as an expat is one of the most exciting yet stressful things a person can experience. It allows one to be a voyeur, able to watch with fascination, but also lends itself to isolation and loneliness. It teaches us tolerance and patience and acceptance of differences, yet can cause the deepest frustration, rage and sense of self-righteousness. It stretches people’s limits and fosters unbelievable personal growth while also pushing people to their limits, often to the edge. Expat living allows one to see his or her own culture more clearly, yet also perpetuates exaggerated idealism and a clinging to what is known.
Anyone else feel this way?
~Di
I am so happy that I left home when I was nineteen. I love Pakistan, and as a woman of the middle-class I would have lived a free, happy, well-settled, fulfilling life no matter what. But spending the last many years away was the best decision I made.
I came to the US to do my undergrad, worked a few years, and later on moved to Europe for my grad school. But what I received in those years in North America and Europe is not just an education. It was a complete opening of my eyes. From each country I learned something new.
In the US I learnt to live beyond race, colour or creed. Also, by meeting non-Pakistani muslims, I learnt to differentiate the demands of religion from the demands of culture. I learnt to work hard and under intense pressure. I learnt to walk everywhere, as I always lived in cities with mass transit. I learnt that everyone’s time is precious, no matter what their profession or economic-class.
When I moved to Europe, I was not expecting a culture shock, since I thought I had seen both opposites of the East-West spectrum by living in Pakistan and the US. But Europe was completely different. In Europe, I thankfully discarded all the negative traits I picked up in the US. I learnt once again to respect the concept of private life versus professional life. Evenings, weekends and holidays were private time, and professional demands could not intrude. I learnt that everything could be recycled, and that energy was a precious commodity that should not be wasted. I learnt that a person’s English skills are not indicative of how smart they are. That a person who speaks 5 different languages does not need to speak grammatically perfect English. I learnt to communicate in English with non-native English speakers, and realized the pitfalls of language when written or verbal business deals.
And at the end of it, I realized that every country has its good and bad parts. No country is perfect. And at the end of the day, you have to decide what parts are important for you. That determines which country you will be happy in. For me that meant going back home.
This is so interesting – you should write a blog about all these experiences! What I find fascinating is how moving countries provides us with such a good mirror – we see ourselves in different contexts and new situations, and we can use these new perspectives to facilitate personal growth and change.
To be honest, I have difficulty relating to people who have never lived outside their country of origin. Generally, such people have a more limited way of seeing the world and themselves and I often struggle to connect with them.
Thank you for sharing this; it’s very compelling…
Great post! Having been an expat for three years so far, I can totally relate to this. The frustration and anger that comes in certain situations, whether it’s cultural or a language barrier are sometimes overwhelming. After time though when you reflect back, you become stronger and more aware. I would highly recommend everyone having an overseas experience at least once.
I totally agree that everyone should have to live abroad at least once – the British concept of a gap year is brilliant, I think, because it benefits both the person who takes the year and the community at large when he or she returns with greater cutural intelligence and self-awareness…
Hello Di,
Quite a few interesting thoughts on being an expat you have here. Allow me to add my few cents worth of ideas, please.
- I, as a German expat in Texas, do watch everything here with fascination, although I would not call myself a “voyeur” – but that’s just semantics, as for me that term denotes a sexually perverted person. I’m interested in and curious about different lifestyles, as that has a great educational potential – as you also maintain.
- With your ideas on tolerance, personal growth and learning to see one’s native country in a new light I totally agree.
Best regards from a German expat in southern Texas,
Pit
- I am not lonely at all, as I have – even when visiting here before finally moving to southern Texas – met many friends, and, of course, as I’ve been happily maried here for more than 3 years now.
Hi Pit,
Very nice to hear from you. I can imagine that there are some vast cultural differences between Germany and Texas! I’ve actually met a lot of Germans in the last couple of years while living in Cape Town. For some reason, Germans seem to flock here by the thousand.
I understand your choice not to use the word ‘voyeur’, but for me, the beauty of English is that it evolves and takes on new meanings over time – there is a very creative element in its usage. Wikipedia says this about the word voyeurism:
“However, in today’s society the concept of voyeurism has evolved, especially in popular culture. Non-pornographic reality television programs such as Survivor and The Real World, are prime examples of voyeurism, where viewers (the voyeur) are granted an intimate interaction with a subject group or individual. Although not necessarily “voyeurism” in its original definition, as individuals in these given situations are aware of their audience, the concept behind “reality TV” is to allow unscripted social interaction with limited outside interference or influence.”
So, just to clarify, I’m truly not implying anything perverted here
))
Cheers!
Hello Di,
I had never wanted to imply that you used “voyeur” implying anything sexual. Of course not. That’s just my personal understanding, which is, I must admit, based on the German use of that term.
Take care, and have a good one,
Pit
No worries – I just wanted to make sure no one else thought that! Have a great day!